The Narrow Window: Fifteen Years Searching for Stability | The Woods Behind Me

PRESCRIPTION PAD

PRESCRIPTION

Patient: Melanie Brown

Treatment Period: 2003–2025

Mood Stabilizers / Psychiatric Medications

• ☐ Depakote (2003)
  Weight gain of more than fifty pounds. Minimal improvement. Discontinued by military physician.
• ☐ Topamax + Effexor XR (2003–2010)
  Effexor initially effective. Topamax controlled migraines. Multiple attempts to discontinue Topamax unsuccessful because migraines and withdrawal symptoms returned.
• ☐ Lamictal
  Partial mood stabilization. Breakthrough episodes continued.
• ☐ Abilify
  Severe akathisia. Discontinued within one week.
• ☐ Multiple atypical antipsychotics
  Repeated medication changes because of side effects and inconsistent benefit.
• ☐ Geodon + Cogentin (approximately 2003–2018)
  Geodon provided partial stability. Cogentin prescribed to manage Geodon side effects.

Medical History During Treatment

• Type 2 Diabetes diagnosed after years of treatment with medications known to increase metabolic risk.

Patient Observations

• Independently developed an Effexor XR/Cymbalta rotation strategy after recognizing recurring treatment patterns.

Treatments Declined

• Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT)

Medication Eventually Prescribed

• Lithium (2018)

Current Regimen

• ☑ Lithium
• ☑ Cymbalta (rotates with Effexor XR when clinically appropriate)
• ☑ Buspirone

Status: Stable.

“I would rather be unstable and myself than stable and erased.

Because once you’re erased, you can no longer fight your own battles.”

Those words have lived in my memory longer than most of the medications on that prescription pad.

I said them after a psychiatrist suggested electroconvulsive therapy. He spoke calmly. Professionally. The way doctors are trained to discuss difficult options. To him, it was another treatment worth considering.

To me, it felt like someone was asking me to gamble with the only thing I still believed belonged entirely to me.

My mind.

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